This is the life ????

This whole chapter was hilarious but it was REALLY LONG. So here is the author's summation of the chapter:

"To recapitulate, in as few words as possible, the following are to be strictly avoided by those whose desire it is to lead a pure, chaste and continent life:

Tobacco in all its forms
All manner of alcoholic liquors.
Late suppers and over-eating.
Sweetmeats, candies, etc.
White bread, when it is possible to get the Graham.
Pork, and all fat and salt meats, sausages, pickles. oysters, Lobsters, eels, etc
Salt, except in moderate quantities, pepper, mustard. spices, vinegar, and other condiments.
Mince and other pies, and all manner of pastry
Tea, coffee and chocolate.
All constriction of dress about the body.
Idleness and inaction of body and mind.
Feather beds and pillows, and heavy bed coverings. Unventilated and unlighted bedrooms.
Remaining in bed in the morning after awaking. Companions of doubtful or bad natures.
Irresolute will.
Uncleanliness of body.
Turkish and Russian baths.
Drugs and patent medicines.
Plantation and all other kinds of " Bitters."
Quack doctors.

In the foregoing list there are many things that the majority of mankind will think twice about before relinquishing their use. Yet, to the individual whose desire is for a true life, all and each item of the list must be discarded. There is not an article of food, condiment, or so-called luxury, mentioned above, that is in the remotest way necessary to the growth and nourishment of a healthy body and soul. I assert, without the fear of successful contradiction, that any person disregarding, in whole or in part, the foregoing Plan of Life, cannot be healthy, chaste, continent, or even a Christian. A man cannot have a pure, clean, lovable soul in a foul, filthy body, and purity of soul is essentially requisite in a good Christian.. Therefore, oh! man, young and hopeful -oh! woman, fair and trusting, see to it that you discard and avoid these abominations of modern civilization, and use, observe and enjoy only that required for your growth, purity and health of body and soul.
The things above enumerated you are commanded to discard, if you would avoid a sickly, irritable, fretful, licentious, and curtailed life. The things below enumerated you are requested to observe, use and enjoy, healthy life, a continent life, a happy a long life:

Moderate eating of food, and in as nearly as possible its
natural condition.
Two meals a day-breakfast at seven or eight o'clock; dinner at two or three o'clock, P.M. If more than two meals are taken, the supper to be not later than six o'clock, and very light-say, a piece of bread and a glass of water.

Regularity in eating.
Using as food:
Bread, mush or gruel made from unbolted wheat; mush or cakes made from oatmeal, cornmeal; hominy, samp, rice, etc.
Apples, pears, peaches, grapes, strawberries, blackberries, plums, melons, oranges, figs-not in the shape of jellies, preserves, etc., but in as nearly their natural state as possible during their season; out of their season, from the dried fruit, in the form of stews, etc.
Potatoes-common and sweet-green corn, tomatoes, green peas, squash, cabbage-cut up fine and eaten in its natural state without vinegar-shell and string beans, spinach, spring greens, etc.
Milk in moderate quantities, cream, butter and cheese in very small quantities, if perfectly sweet, fresh and new.
Lean mutton, lean beef, chicken; as little animal food as possible; best if altogether discarded.
Not a particle of food, candies, nuts, etc., to be eaten between meals.
The regular morning evacuation of the bowels. If possible, acquire the habit of evacuating them, at a regular hour, just before retiring to bed.
Bed and pillows made of corn husk, hair or sponge.
Rising with prompt and careful regularity immediately on waking in the morning, and going to bed at an early and regular hour
Bedroom to be well lighted, and to be thoroughly ventilated at night as well as day.
A hand-bath to be taken every morning, thoroughly and quickly cleaning the surface of the body; after drying, rapid friction with the palms of the hands (no Turkish or other coarse towels or brushes to be used for this purpose). After friction, while in the nude state, slightly exercise the body by throwing the arms suddenly and forcibly in different directions; and during all this time, if the sun be shining, allow its rays to fall directly on the body. Between ten and twelve o'clock in the forenoon is the best time for this life-renewing bath and exercise; but to those whose business will not permit this, the early morning hour after rising, or after the morning walk, will suffice.
During waking hours, excepting while at meals, the constant and active exercise of body and brain.
The daily walk of from five to ten miles morning or evening.
The cultivation of a firm and determined will.
The active morning and evening exercise of the religious sentiments.

In the right and faithful observance of these laws, man will find all the requirements necessary to the growth of perfect health, purity of body, nobleness of soul, and, above and over all, contine1tce. By the just observance of these laws, woman will acquire and retain beauty-beauty of face, form and character; and she will retain and gain strengtb--strength of body, mind and soul; but, above and overall will she be pure, lovable and chaste."

I don't know about you, but according to this guy's criteria, I'm an utter failure at this. Oh woe!